| (no subject) |
[Nov. 24th, 2004|03:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
its 330 in the fucking morning and im looking at pictures of girls i wish i looked like!!!! i suck! i have to go to the doctor in the morning! i donno if its good or bad...their probably gonna ask when my last period was....hmm think theyll be suprised if i say 2 months ago?...ill tell them it was last week...i have been binging lately and i hate myself for it!! i need to not eat!!!!! but its hard cuz my mom makes me eat when shes home...and if i dont she gives me looks and stares at my hip bones!! i need some laxies and diet pills!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!!! |
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| purged! |
[Nov. 15th, 2004|01:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nada everyone in my house is sleeping | ] |
well today i ate alot and felt gross so i told my mom and she said to lay on my tummy and it hurt to do that so i told her i would only feel better if i puked and she said "then do it!!" so i went into the bathroom and finally purged!!! not all of it came up but a lot did and im proud...then i purged more in the shower....i dont wanna be mia tho....oh well... i feel much better!!! |
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| YAY 105!! |
[Oct. 21st, 2004|12:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | taking back Sunday | ] |
im happy right now cuz i weigh 105!! i have been fasting for 3 days now and have lost 4 lbs!! im proud! well on monday i went shopping with my mom and she bought a bunch of food and decided that she wanted to eat a bag of chips on our way home well i just pretended to eat the chips! then i threw a few away when she was in the bathroom! then she bought me a soda and i drank 1/2 then poured the rest out! and then i had to eat last night because this guy who likes me surprised me by taking me out to desert (cuz i said i already ate) we shared a strawberry shortcake...i only ate like 5 bites and ate them really slow and took gulps of water in between! he ate most of it! then today i drank a lil bit of a milk shake that he bought me and gave the rest to my lil brother! i will fast tomorrow too! and will make my stwg of 100 by Nov. 1st!! |
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| the devil made ice cream |
[Oct. 13th, 2004|03:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Used | ] |
i had a bad week a while back and weighed 110 then i have been fasting every other day and it seems to be working i lost 3 lbs. the first 2 days and im at 107 now (back to normal) i think im gonna make my weight goal YAY!! im excited! the thing that gets me eating tho....ICE CREAM its soo good...but bad too i had a lil today but thats all im eating today even tho today is an eating day!...and its kinda cool cuz i ate a lot the other day and i got on the scale the next and it said i lost weight....weird, but very cool |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2004|01:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  words cant describe this pain | ] |
| [ | music |
| | none | ] |
i cannot describe the emotional and physical pain i am in right now....i hate myself. i am a FAT lonely emo kid who hates herself and wants to die....today i did not fast. i ate an artichoke and 3 cookies my mom made me....i hate everything i am right now and i know i will be nothing better without ana here....i ran 2miles today in 20 min. and i was crying the whole time so it was hard and i got really bad cramps...i think im gonna go see if i can bring my self to do some situps and some other crap before i go to bed...or try to at least.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2004|04:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sick to my tummy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | emery | ] |
today i was planning on fasting but right after school my mom made me go to the store with her and told me i could get anything i wanted i got a fruit (mangos and strawberries) but i didnt eat it all then she made me eat some cake.....friggen cake!! i only got a lil piece though...last night i ran 2 and 1/2 miles and tonight i work till midnight so yea....right now i weigh 107 i hope i can make my stwg of 100 by nov. 1st!!! tomorrow i will fast for sure! |
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| yay new journal |
[Sep. 22nd, 2004|06:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | greeley estates | ] |
well i have 2 journals now...the other ones gonna be about personal stuff and this ones gonna be about food and colories and weight....thats it! |
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needing_this's journal